The Old Codger looked around and saw people emerging from a building eating contentedly with their hands out of bags so he went over and looked through the door. Inside lots of people, many of them kids, were waiting by the counter. The Old Codger pushed his way through the queues to the counter where a bunch of teenagers in red baseball caps were serving. One particularly spotty youth came up to the Old Codger. “Yes sir?” The Old Codger did not know what to ask for so he said “have you got jellied eels”. “Jellied eels”, the youth said in a high-pitched squeak, “no sir”. “Oh well I’ll have some cockles then”. “Cockles”, the youth said trying to stifle a laugh at such a funny word, “No sir none of them. What we have is on the board”.

The youth pointed at the menu on the wall behind him. The writing was too small and far away for the Old Codger to read even by scrunching his eyes up, but he thought he could see whelks on the menu. “I’ll have whelks then”. “Whelks”, the youth said almost choking to keep back a mammoth chortle, “No we don’t have whelks. We have burgers, nuggets, fries or shakes”.

The Old Codger did not have a clue what he was talking about but he saw something that looked like chips so he said “OK, I’ll have fish and chips then”. “I can give you golden plaice nuggets and fries”. “Is that fish and chips?’ said the Old Codger wondering if they spoke a foreign language in Blackpool. “Close enough”, said the boy, “do you want a drink with that?” “Oh”, said the Old Codger slightly surprised at his directness. “I’ll have a half pint of Guiness then”. “Sorry sir we don’t serve alcohol. We have coke, sprite, juice or shakes”. Nothing from that list appealed to the Old Codger so he took his food in its bag, went outside, and sat on the breakwater to eat it.

He opened the bag and pulled out a chip. It was as thin as a straw and about as tasty. He tried a couple more but they did not improve. He then tried a piece of fish but that tasted like glue. He was about to throw the lot in the sea but another rumble reminded him of his hunger, so he stuffed the lot in his mouth as quickly as he could and then crumpled up the bag and threw it over the wall and onto the beach.